Mud & Graveyards

I took my camera to Muddy Roots, and I fully intended to take enough pictures to properly document the weekend.  The sad truth, though, is that I should not be the person in charge of that job, because I just suck at remembering to do it!  This is the only picture I actually took, of my dear husband setting up the Hellfire Revival merch table behind the stage before they went on...

The reason that we went to Muddy Roots was that Hellfire was playing, and I was working their merch table.  But last year, we just showed up right when they were about to play, they did the set and I did the merch, and then we pretty much left.  This year, we took it as an opportunity to do something that we hardly ever do anymore...get away, spend time together, and just have fun!  

We showed up on Saturday, not quite in time to see Don Maddox, which Matt was hoping for, so that kind of sucked.  We did get to see the hulo hoop performers, which was interesting, because I've never seen a live hoop performance, but disappointing because it was kind of sloppy, really short, and not that great.  They were cute, though, and maybe they'll get better with time.

The highlight, of course, was the music.  Hellfire Revival had a really fun set, and perhaps the rowdiest crowd they've ever played to.  They had the first "pit" of the festival!  We also got to see some of my favorite bands.  Viva Le Vox closed out Saturday night, and they were awesome.  Then on Sunday, one of my favorite moments was when our dear friends  in Hans Condor caused more havoc in their cut-short 20 minute set than would seem humanly possible.  They arrived around the time that the rain did, so sets were being cut short, bands were being rearranged, and a gradually growing madness was washing over the attendees.  Before long, I was standing ankle deep in mud watching Th' Legendary Shack Shakers for the first time in ages.  They're playing in Nashville for my birthday, so I think I know what my birthday plans are.  Sunday night was closed out by The Goddamn Gallows, and while we couldn't miss it, we chose to stand out in the rain, outside of the tent for that set.  The rain, the mud, the frenzy of the music, and the madness of the crowd at that point were all coming together in a way that almost tore the tent down!  You've got to give it to Baby Genius and Fishgutz for still coming out into the crowd in all of that mud and chaos

It was the perfect way to end out the night, and the weekend.  We went back to a tent that was doing all it could to stay dry, slept through the night to the sound of rain beating down on us, woke up and packed up in the rain bright and early the next morning, and hit up Cracker Barrel on the way home.  After the heat and sunburn of Saturday, followed by the rain and cooler weather of Sunday, I came home with a cold.  I don't really get properly sick that often, but I already had swollen lymph nodes going into it, so I think my immune system was probably already compromised.  I tried to ignore it on Monday, but by Tuesday I had to have one good day of rest, which I hate.  I don't do well with being idle, and just laying around doing nothing makes me incredibly anxious.  But it was necessary to I could get back up and running by the next weekend.

A few days of normalcy, and then it was off to the Ink4Pink Benefit in Atlanta.  It was an awesome show held at a place called The Basement, which is literally the basement of a place called The Graveyard Tavern.  Throughout the show, tattoo vouchers were raffled off, art was sold, and all of that, along with the cover charge, was going to benefit breast cancer research and treatment.  The night was full of burlesque and sideshow performers, Farmageddon bands, and of course Hellfire Revival.  And once again, I served as the merch girl.  

I actually did take pictures at this show, but because of my position and the lighting, they pretty much sucked.  But here are a few...

James Hunnicutt

Sweet Christina

Jayke Orvis

D'Lilah D'Lite

Hellfire Revival

Kittie Katrina

The Goddamn Gallows

So much for trying to take pictures while anchored to the merch table.  But at least it's documented.

James Hunnicutt, Jayke Orvis, and the Goddamn Gallows are all Farmageddon bands.  They're actually all pretty different from each other, even though they all just kind of play together.  But in this line up, Hellfire Revival stood out.  It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, and they played a good set.  This was only their 2nd time in Atlanta, so they don't have a built-in fan base there yet, and the crowd was kind of weird.  Attentive, but not always that responsive.  So when it was all said and done, I think they did a good job, but I don't know how happy they were with the reception.  It doesn't matter, though.  I always love to see Matt play drums, no matter who he's playing with.  We also got to see The Goddamn Gallows again, which was a huge plus.  Hellfire always loves to play with them, and they're fast becoming some of our favorite people.

Plus, this show gave us an excuse to go to Atlanta.  Matt has family there, and his aunt has been struggling with cancer.  With his job, it isn't always easy for him to get away, so this was our first time to get to try and go see her.  We planned to spend Friday more or less with her, but as it turned out, she was having chemo and wasn't really up for visitors.  We did get to see Matt's cousin and her kids, and she filled us in a bit more on what has been going on wit her mom.  They weren't able to meet up with us until the evening, though, so we actually had a lot of time to kill hanging out in Little Five Points, which we haven't had the chance to do in quite a while.  It was inspirational visiting some of those shops.  It was a reminder about some of the goals we have for Dead Man's, and hopefully we'll find the right place to put it, so that it will thrive like some of those awesome shops.

After two weekends in a row out of town, the house was quite a wreck.  You would think that with us around less to mess it up, it wouldn't be so bad, but not so.  It just meant that I wasn't around to stay on top of keeping it in order.  So getting caught up on the house and getting caught up with a couple of my students has been the focus of the last couple of days.  This weekend will be yet another Hellfire weekend at the Redneck Rumble.  After that, they should have a bit of a break, which will work out well.  It will give Matt time to focus on his upcoming art show, and both of us time to get ready for the annual bonfire.  

So now it's back to house work, student check ins, and hopefully a little more progress on the new Dead Man's website!  Busy, busy, busy!

 

Happy Birthday Sweet Sister...

Jacklyn Elizabeth Morris

June 22, 1982 - May 30, 2010

 

 

I think of you every day.

Love and miss you.

 

My Two Dads

I know it's the name of a cheesy tv show, but I really did have 2 dads, and doing anything to honor Father's Day wouldn't feel right without remembering both of them.

I want to say that I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderful father-in-law, and since both of my dads are now gone, Matt and I spent most of the day with him today.  If it weren't for him, Father's Day would be a poor excuse for a holiday in my world, and I'm glad to have him in my life.  

But at this point all I can do to honor by dads on this day is something along these lines...simply remembering them...so here it goes.

Daddy

Billy Joe Goforth Jr. (Jody)

1961-2003

I never called him anything but Daddy, maybe because I got to spend so little time with him around that age when that transition would usually happen.  To this day it's what I call him to myself.  He was so much fun, so hard-working, and very generous and genuine.  He had many skills, but was humble enough that you might never have known it.  It's funny that this picture is of the 2 of us in the swimming pool, because moments like that...goofing off in the swimming pool, spending time with family at BBQs, listening to music together, playing frisbee in the front yard...are the things that seem to stick with me now.  He loved to spend time with his family, and considering the things that I couldn't have possibly known were to come at the time, those simple memories of just enjoying being with him, without seeing a gray cloud in the sky for miles around, are little treasures to me now.

I feel entirely ripped off in my relationship with my Daddy.  My mom took us so far away from him when I was so young, but before that I can barely even remember her.  It was all him, my Grandma (his mom), and my sister.  I felt ripped away from him, and from everything I have seen, everything I have been told, and everything I know within me, he was the parent that I was "modeled" after.  I know that I am so much like him, I look so much like him, and I even see him looking back at me sometimes when I look in the mirror.  But in the years after I had to move from Louisiana to Colorado, halfway across the country from him, I was only able to see him for occasional visits, if I was lucky.  I finally moved back to Louisiana when I was 15 and got to spend some wonderful time with him, amazed at how alike we were and how perfectly right that felt, but it was so short-lived.  He married a horrible woman, who slowly tried to isolate him from his family, and gradually succeeded.  Several years passed when seemingly every visit with me meant a fight for him with her.

In May of 2003, a few days after I graduated from college, he killed himself.  He didn't leave behind any explanation, so we can only guess at what drove him to it.  Though all of his family tried to reach out to him and keep from losing touch with him, I suspect it ultimately came down to loneliness.  He had been isolated from everyone he loved, and that was not in his nature.  He needed the love and company of his friends and family.  The news of his suicide was possibly the most devastating thing I've had to endure, aside from the news of my sister's suicide.  I feel like at so many turns in my life, I missed a chance to have more of a relationship with him.  I know it wasn't my fault, and that as soon as I was in control of my own life I tried as hard as I could, but none of that changes the fact that it's too late now.  But in so many ways, he was what made me make sense in this world, and I hold him in my heart as a reminder of my own identity when I need it.

Tommy

Thomas Edward Morris Jr.

1962-2009

I was, I guess, about 7 years old when this guy came into my life.  As you can see from this picture, Tommy was a party animal!  He was just a guy my mom was dating at first, but I remember thinking he was very funny and sweet.  He also loved music, like my dad, which made me like him.  Before I knew it, I was told that my mom would be marrying him and that my littlest sister was on the way.  Tommy went into the army, which took us to Virginia for a while, and then eventually to Colorado.  What followed was bittersweet to me.  I was crazy about Tommy and my new baby sister, so I had these great new additions to my family, but I was so far away from the main family I had really known up to that point.  I guess I didn't understand why starting a new life that included Tommy and Macy necessarily had to exclude the people who had raised me.  And once she was away from them (and their watchful eyes, I guess), my mom became crazier than I'd ever realized she was before.  I had learned to fear her from as early on as I could remember, but the violence escalated once we were away, I was more afraid of her than I ever had been.  When she started to push for Tommy to adopt me and Jacklyn, she used fear to force us to go along with it, and I am still torn up about that.  Even though I was only 8 when the adoption took place, in moments when I'm being particularly hard on myself, I wish I had been stronger, stood up to her, took her "punishment," and not put my dad through that hell.  I was forced to call him and tell him that I no longer loved him and he was no longer my dad, so he needed to sign the adoption papers...and I could hear the pain in his voice, but I did it because I was scared and I didn't want to be hurt.  I should have refused.

My mixed feelings about the adoption had nothing to do with Tommy, though, and we had discussions about it years after the fact.  We realized that my mom had lied to both of us, so that she could orchestrate things the way she wanted them, and while neither of us regretted it, we both agreed that it put a lot of people through a lot pain at the time that we wish we could have avoided.  In hindsight though, adoption or not, Tommy would have gone on to be more than a step-dad and someone who I truly considered a second father.  There are so many things he did for me, even after his divorce from my mom, that he didn't have to do.  Had he not, though, I have no idea how my life might have turned out.  It kind of scares me to imagine it.

Tommy was a prankster, a nurturer, and most of all a protector.  I think both of my sisters and I have thought of him that way.  He was the one we all went running to when we were in real need of help.  He was Macy's dad by blood, and therefore I guess obligated in her case, but for him it had nothing to do with a sense of obligation with any of us.  He didn't have to continue to have anything to do with me and Jacklyn after his short marriage to our mom, but he chose to.  He genuinely loved us, and was truly that generous.  Without him, there would have been many times in all of our lives when we wouldn't have had a safe haven, but he would not have let that happen.

He was killed in a head-on collision by a drunk driver in January of 2009.  I still get so pissed off when I allow myself to think about it long enough.  I know he wasn't ready to go yet.  I know he wouldn't have wanted to leave any of us behind so early on.  I know he would have wanted to wait until he saw that Macy was going to be settled and happy without him.  He was the glue that held our family together, and now that Macy and I are all that's really left, at least around here, I know that we both feel lost without him all the time.  I think the things I miss most about him are how much I laughed when I was around him, and the fact that if I really needed to I could cry to him.

In many ways I am lucky.  Some people never know their fathers or have horrible dads.  I was fortunate enough to have two that were beyond compare, at least to me.  They both taught me about unconditional love, resilience, how to be selfless, how to persevere, and even how to love and laugh when faced with hatred and strife.  I wish my time with them had not been so short, but I do thank the gods more than words can express that I got to have each of them in my life long enough to become the person I am, rather than the person I might have become if they had not been there.