This is Gonna Hurt

"I always say, if it hurts, it means you're growing, and I promise you, 

THIS IS GONNA HURT."

--Nikki Sixx

Nikki Sixx is my hero.  He is actually one of many, but unlike most other things in my life, if I absolutely had to narrow it down to one, I think I could single him out.  I remember drooling over him when when I was, like, 7 years old...before I even understood what such a thing meant.  And now, into his 50s, he still manages to be pretty drool-worthy.

There is a lot more to it than aesthetics, though I do think that aesthetics has something to do with it in his case.  I have always been the type of person who is more drawn to a personality than an appearance.  But in some cases, when someone has all of these deep layers of joy, love, sorrow, anger, and everything else within them that they somehow manage to bring to the surface in a way that is fascinating and beautiful and tragic, there is something very appealing about it to me.  Looking at someone like that is like reading the history of a journey. It tells some kind of a story about where they have been, and that to me is true beauty.  I think that's part of what initially attracted me to my husband.  When I first saw him, he was beautiful and tragic and fascinating all at the same time, and it did speak volumes about the personality underneath.

It was my husband's birthday this weekend, and conveniently or coincidentally, Nikki Sixx is also one of his heroes.  It was actually one of the first things we connected over.  So as one of his birthday gifts, I got him Nikki's new book, This is Gonna Hurt, which is a book of his photography and stories.  Matt has spent more time with it than I have, which makes sense since it's his gift!  But in the little bit that I have flipped through it, it has reminded me of why I admire the man so much.

He's incredibly driven, and the fact that he is the driving force behind Motley Crue would really be enough for me, since they have been one of my favorite bands for as long as I can remember.  But it goes so far beyond that.  He's in another band as well, he is an amazing and prolific songwriter, he has a record label, he writes awesome books, he does radio shows, he designs clothes, and he now does beautiful photography.  He works very hard, and for that reason he is a motivator.  He has also overcome a lot of adversity and tragedy, which is an inspiration.  He has literally died and come back to life, only to keep going, do more, and be better.

The thing that really struck me about the new book is how emotional it is.  Every story is so honest and revealing.  He makes no attempt at hiding his flaws, quirks, or sensitivities.  The ability to be that open and vulnerable is something that I have always admired and never possessed.  Sharing is hard for me even with people who I know and love, and I am by nature an introvert, so there aren't many of those.  

The point of this blog, or even this post, is not to obsess over Nikki Sixx, though I know I haven't entirely avoided that.  The point is to explain how I got here, and what has inspired me.  I realized something about myself in reading through that book.  I think that people see me around all of the time, probably lingering on the outskirts or lurking in the shadows, and don't really know anything about who I am, what I do, what I'm like, etc.  It's not that I want things that way, but something about my life's history has made me naturally guarded, and I have a hard time opening up to people without first quietly observing them and learning what I can about them.  I also don't think I'm very approachable, partially because I know I can tend to put off a guarded vibe, and possibly because I don't really look the part, anywhere.  I have always had way too many interests and loves to fully embrace any one scene.  I doubt anyone really has a problem with that, but I can see how it could make it difficult to know how to connect with me on something.

Revealing things about myself is difficult and painful, which is why I introduced this blog with the quote above.  Blogging is not at all in my nature.  Most social networking isn't. I held off on Facebook as long as I could, until I needed a page to promote my business.  And to blog means to share, which isn't a natural part of my routine.  But what is a huge part of my routine is self exploration and growth.  In so many ways, I constantly push myself outside of my own comfort zone in order to grow and learn something new, and when I realized how much I loved that Nikki could reveal so much about himself, but that I couldn't do it, I saw an opportunity to do something uncomfortable and learn from it.  So I guess this is a personal experiment, in a way.  And a blog is the chosen medium because I don't do so well in person, but I am a writer.  Written words come to me much more easily, and while that usually means pen on paper, that would defeat the purpose of sharing, so I think I can adapt to this.

Otherwise, there is no theme to this.  I do a lot, and I usually pretty much keep to myself about it, but this is a forum for me to share it, uncensored.  I actually had a blog set up prior to this one, but I am abandoning it for a couple of reasons.  I rarely ever posted anything on it, and I think that's because it had a very narrow theme relating to one aspect of my life.  I have realized that I lose inspiration when I try to compartmentalize my life too much.  I feel whole when I bring all things together, and that's what I plan to do here.  So there is no telling what I'll be talking about from one post to the next, but it will all have to do with what I'm up to, what I'm into, and what I think and feel about things.

So I guess I'll close with why I chose the name I did for the blog, "Be Strong and Laugh."  Since Nikki Sixx inspired me to take this step, I thought it would be appropriate to make the title a nod to him in some way.  Be strong and laugh comes from the lyrics to the song "Shout at the Devil," and it comes to mind often.  Those are both things I am constantly reminding myself to do, so if this blog has any theme, I guess that would be it.